if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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