He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize