i may or may not be watching the land before time
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
