i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
