this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
ok first of all what the fuck
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