My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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