She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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