i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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