I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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