Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
