He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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