im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he fucked my hip out of place.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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