you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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