Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
