I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
