dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
