nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
