I wish I could teleport
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
smell my finger.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
