I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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