Acid is not a monday night drug
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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