i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
