Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
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What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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