please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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