she was so not down for the gang bang
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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