you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
