To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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