Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.