I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.