"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
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Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.