You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
