Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we made out on top of his cat.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Can you bring me the toilet please
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
