I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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