we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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