You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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