I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
