you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
