last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize