i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
