I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
