I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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