I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
BRING THE BAGELS
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
