Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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