I cockslap morals
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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