Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize