I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
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Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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