i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
