Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need water and some morals
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
