Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
