Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
