the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
