you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
