My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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