his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
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I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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