I'm gonna have a badass scar
Jerry, you need to find god
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
