Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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