No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my being single is dangerous.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
