Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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