i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
