Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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