Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
